The problem with being a (sorta) grownup

It's the stuff like making dinner, say you expend a ton of energy making an awesome dinner and then the next night you have to think of something nourishing and tasty AGAIN! because you are an adult type person.

Such a bummer,

I tend to look back on my accomplishments like "wow, I did a kickass job cleaning the house, go me!" and then ignore the fact it has to be done again because I am irritated by the reality that I am just going to have to do it again. It's kind of a character flaw because I tend to be critical about my own bodily needs such as eating, like "what!, body needs more food, body already had food yesterday!"

Animals seem to be exempt from this criticism since I really enjoy fussing over critter food. When I was a kid I had the job of feeding our rabbits and I managed to complicate the task into my own cooking show with the food dishes artfully arranged, poor buns just wanted their tasty noms and not to be lectured on the aesthetic merits of layering the carrot pieces with the lettuce... Now my ponehs "benefit" from this quirk because I obsess over their rations and fantasize over what supplements I could give them with an unlimited budget, usually I do this after Baby has kicked me in the bladder in the middle of the night and I can't get back to sleep, like I debate if it is better to start Joy on MSM or a fancy combo supplement that would cost more then my monthly hay budget, you know cause she's getting soooo much work right now what with the standing in the field, eating hay and pooping.

 I am totally failing at feeding myself over the past couple of days, all I want is sugar and the more sugar I eat the more I wants it, my precious.... Which sucks and it annoys me, since I know I am using it to balance out my moods and I will have more energy/be less depressed if I eat properly, I am a sugar addict and I really need to just stop. Damn being responsible.

Went to town today, despite extreme sleepiness. I took Smelly Manchild to get a haircut and more pants at the thrift store, apparently having your family refer to you as Severus Snape for enough days in a row is incentive to get a haircut even if you have to go grocery shopping with your stepmom afterward. He is at the awkward "I am 13 year old boy and no clothes fit me" stage so shopping wasn't a huge success but we got some stuff. I managed to only buy one (really cute!) skirt that will fit me post baby, presumably. Full length mirrors are not my friend right now, I feel ginormous.

I thought I wanted to buy some baby stuff but when I looked at baby stuff I realized I actually just want to have the baby.

and now I want to go to bed.

Bridle bridle bridle

I am completely in love with the Micklem Bridle, I was considering one for Joy last year but didn't find out much about it and ended up going with the Silverleaf, which I have been happy with, it is a nice bridle (keep meaning to do a review, whoops) The Silverleaf has gone up since I got it but at the time it was quite a bit cheaper then the Micklem and I was having second thoughts about the different design. Recently I have been reading up on it after stumbling across a review on it and I really think Joy might be more comfortable and happy in it. She is always shaking her head, and itching it, she used to be terrible when I rode in her old bridle, slightly better in the silverleaf but still really fussy about it. I kind of chalked it to her being impatient and fussy but now I am starting to wonder. The Micklem looks funny because it is proportioned differently to keep from putting pressure on nerve endings on the face.

Almost got Joy to the river the other day, didn't quite make it. I just don't have the energy to gallop up alllllllll the hills and didn't want to take the time to walk (and fight about walking up allll the hills) I'm not as pathetically sleepy as I was in the first trimester but I just don't have the energy to ride really hard, which is a total bummer and kind of depressing, So anyway I am very happy I decided not to spend money on competing any more this year and just work on getting my silly hot mare balanced.

I have been hugely depressed over not having a good place to ride, it is so frustrating to have a mental image of what you want to work on, try to fir it into reality and have it not work. I need to be doing supplying exercises with Joy, I need a basic flat fenced in place to do it, I need it not to suck weather wise. I don't have it and it makes me dislike everyone who does. Joe has promised to help me put up a basic ring but it is finding the time and money to do it.

We have other people living with us still, while they are looking for a house. But it has been three months and I have despaired of them ever leaving. It is not that I am not fond of them, they are great people but I am sick of not having any space, any privacy and always having people around. The house is always trashed and I am refusing to do any housework, soon I will begin refusing to cook for everyone (every flippin night) because I am not a fucking  house elf.

So I have to go make Jam, sulk sulk sulk. and likely should put some proper clothes on before Joe gets home, but my jammies are very comfortable.

Today is a sad day.

Warning, whining ahead.

 The past couple of day I have been really over emotional, depressed and somewhat neurotic.I talked about it today with Joe when he called at his lunch break and told me he loved me which promptly made me burst into tears. Not really a normal response unless I am really Pms-y, which I am not. I realized I don't feel good (I'm apparently a little slow) and I think that's why I have been depressed the past couple of days, literally you can count the number of things I have done lately on one hand and I don't even want to ride. The weather has been shite, just cold and rainy. I am crying at the drop of a hat, every joint aches, especially my hands, my head hurts and I could literally sleep all day. I keep putting off going tot the doctor because it is expensive and I don't think about it when I am feeling good but then I have a couple bad days where I feel awful and am reminded to do it, then I feel better again and put it off. Joe said he is just going to fill out the insurance paper work and take care of me.

I got into a huge disagreement with my FiL last night, who is convinced because I put down bedding that the chicks were going to eat it and all die, I have raised a lot of chicks, my mom does a couple hundred every year and we always used bedding. But my FiL's dad told him never to use bedding and just use newspaper with feed sprinkled on top because it would encourage the chicks to eat and it you put any type of foreign matter in the chicks would eat it and die. I disagree since if you put food down of course the chicks will pick at it, and they aren't so stupid to eat bedding that is to big to fit in their mouths when they have free choice food. Well last night when FiL came over he put newspaper on top of the bedding and my husband couldn't understand why I was so upset, I set the brooder up the way I wanted it, I had a reason for it and I resent being told I am wrong when my way was perfectly fine. I understand FiL was just trying to help but I didn't want help and I wasn't mean about it I just said I disagreed and then ignored him when he was trying to explain why his way was so much better and my way was going to kill all the chicks. Then Joe and I got into an argument because he thought I was being irrational and mean.

Chicks are doing fine, no losses so far despite bedding for the first part of their lives, bunnies all got nails trimmed yesterday and I'm going to put up an ad (even though I would rather not deal with it right now) because they are ready for new homes. I'm going to miss the sweet little things, although I am keeping the grey and white female...

Today is Joe's birthday so I am going to town to pickup tasty noms, and make a cake :) Probably take a bath and read, I'm so fucking exciting.

Do the baby chicken dance!

My chicks just came! I now have 87 chicks. Golden laced Wyandottes, Arucanas, and Black Australorps.  25 pullets and four roosters of each type.

Actually the hatchery got my phone number wrong (thankfully got the address right) and someone from the post office stopped by my house! I could have hugged him, I was so thankful. Babies are settling in well and seem bright and perky. Luckily we got everything set last night, I whitewashed the interior and Joe patched up the holes in the coop, Joe and his dad also got the power cord hooked up for the light. I meant to do more yesterday but was hugely depressed and sad for some reason, not entirely sure why.

For whatever reason I am super paranoid that I am going to kill them, I don't know why but it is freaking me out. I have cared for enough chicks but I guess this is my first batch entirely on my own and I am worried about it.

I just took some pictures and since I am a good blogger I share them with you, my people, People I assume read my blog since you visit it, mostly from FiSH.

 Baby chicks in all their chickness

Hai Food Lady, are you gonna give us tasty noms?

The lilac tree in the rain, dunno what the weird blur is.

There is a huge thunderstorm going on right now, really loud, My sweet black dog Sadie is hiding under the computer desk, shaking! as she hates storms and Emma is under my pink chair, storms don't bother her she just likes to den.

My friend took little grey home last night, His name is going to be Vincent and he is living in their spare room. I am happy, he is going to be a great house bunny since he is calm, sweet and curious, and he will be well loved. I am all "awwwww my babies are growed up!" I need to advertise the rest as they are all eating well and ready to be someone's pet.

Off to check chickies again.